We live in a society that degrades marriage to a mere ideology that some people like and
others do not. Something that is expendable at the flip of a switch, if it is
not working for you, you may change your mind and be “free” again. Nice and easy!!
We are taught from childhood that we must be liked by the opposite sex to be whole, to
be worth something. That life will just not make sense without it. Teens party and have sex because it is fun and harmless, or that’s what they say, until they end up 30 and single wondering what happened to “good” years?
People try to fix themselves their whole life! Why have nobody ever thought of the reason
they need fixing? What broke them to begin with? Do people just not think about stuff like that?
We invent formulas, write books, make millions with “10 steps to finding your match”, try endless relationships with the hope of having one evolve into something good and remotely stable so that maybe we do not have to die alone or worst case scenario, live alone.
How did we get here? Why do we constantly bang our heads on the same spot thinking the hurting would stop?
When plan A is not working…try plan B!! Nothing in your life will ever change until you change your behaviour. If what you’re doing is not working, change what you are doing!
I have been living with a great sense of right or wrong most of my life. This has in most
cases saved me from making the most mistakes youth make in their youth. Only
problem with this is that most of the time it made me prideful, resenting people
who cannot contain themselves, people that did not live like me. Then something happend…in my supposed to be adulthood, I started making some of those “youthful” mistakes…
Thankfully I learned about God’s grace and mercy and that I must extend it to others as well as myself.
The problem with, withholding forgiveness from others is that it is
something I need to receive everyday myself…because although I am really striving to
do what’s right, I always end up doing what is wrong, and that needs to be forgiven…
God has given me knowledge of the woman’s heart. I need to use this to make a woman
feel safe and protected. But when I misuse this knowledge to my own advantage
(sadly I have done this before) , I am not stewarding the knowledge well. That is out of God’s will
and that needs to be forgiven. I am polished and shiny on the outside and broken and bruised on the inside.
I have come to see that there is this need in me to save people; I want to be the god that helps
everybody. Why? Does it make me seem more holy? What is my payoff? Because
currently I am feeling a tad counterfeit? Is it the devil trying to condemn me?
Well I suppose he could? But then again, how much play do I give him in my
life? He is just as powerful as I allow!!
Maybe I am allowing too much?
So the question arises, through all this knowledge I am gathering, books I am reading,
people investing in me, and countless acts of repentance
…am I HOLY OR RATHER HOLEY?
Please help me!! I feel like I just don’t get it anymore, and I so really want
to get it!! If I may quote from a movie…”why do all this, if you are not going
to let it change you?” please God change me, make me the person my dog thinks I
am. In Jesus Name! Amen!!