Has anyone been in such a place? It’s like I can still see God move, but I get so frustrated at the speed He is going. So I know God is not like bound to time as we are, but I still would like things to move a touch faster. I know this is wrong, like most sin I do for that matter, but I just cannot seem to stop. It is like I have become somewhat callous!! It sucks!! I don’t want to be this way!
I want to be touched by it all! Everything that He created, everything that He continually does in my life (the fact that I have life).
How does this happen, when did I get so blasé about God’s presence? Have I become spoiled? Why do I constantly need to see some or other sign before I trust God’s word for me? I really do not know, but what I do know, it is not a great place to be in. I feel numb, lifeless and somewhat without direction.
I read this thing about integrity, about doing the right thing, just because it is the right thing to do and not to look “oh so heavenly” it made me think… I used to pride myself on my integrity and lately I have not seen much of it in my life…funny expression that, “I pride myself” …considering God says He dislikes the proud.
I tend to put myself in these positions of judgement over other people, because they are not as Grade A Christian as I am! What a load of straw, I mean like really, who do I think I am? Because integrity is out the door, humbleness is gone and selflessness is nowhere to be found!
Sooo…what to do?
Well first of all, I need to get back to basics, get back to God, and get back to doing what’s right for the sake of it being the right thing to do. Not to be recognised or get the credit, not to get a gold star, not for salvation and definitely not to try and buy into God acceptance (it is free) I need to start worshipping God for who He is and not because of what I think I am going get by doing it…eeek!! Did I actually say that?? Sometimes the truth hurts, but only when it needs to.
So today, tonight I want to re-re-re-recommit, to God Almighty my Father, my Dad, My Saviour, my Friend. This is it (I hope). Please take me back Dad, I will try harder, this time I will try harder! Thank you for Your uncompromising love and generosity, even when I come to you only for Your “stuff” You still forgive and take me and press to Your chest!! Lord I do not understand, but I think I do not have to. Tonight I just want to accept it! Thanks Dad! You ROCK!!